I needed this today...

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:"To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add,"You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

My prayer for today:

Lord, help me to see myself not as the world may see me, but as you see me. As a great builder. Please fuel my passion with the faith that your eyes see my every actions, even when no on else does. Amen

Another first day....

I was feeling pretty prepared for the boys' first day of school. I was about to fix dinner and wrap up the evening when a migraine struck. I took my prescription and headed to bed. "Can you please keep the kids quiet for a little while?", I asked Craig.

I've been struggling with migraine headaches ever since high school, and although it is a pretty minor issue God has taught me so much through my little struggle. Every time I get one, I always find myself in a conversation with God. Asking Him questions like, "why me?", "why now?" and, "why haven't you healed me?"

Yet always, He seems to speak to me in my time of suffering, when my head feels like it's going to explode, and I wish for a hammer to crack it open. As I'm puking and shaking because the pain is just to much to take.

"I've got you though it before, trust me to get you through this one. Have I ever given you reason to doubt Me?"

He did get me through it, and my family blessed me so much last night. Craig fixed dinner. The kids came to check on me, gave me kisses on my forehead and said they would pray for my headache to go away. Right before their bedtime Craig came in to see if I could get up for a minute. Out in the living room were three lit candles each representing our kids. Craig shared about how the candles represented them and how they were to be light in a dark place. He read some scriptures. Then we took communion as a family. We have never done that before (besides at church) and as Craig prayed over the bread (ritz crackers) and juice (kool-aid), the tears rolled.

I felt complete peace, despite my pounding head and I knew God was holding me. What would normally be a hugely stressful day for me, was fun and joyful. Recently I heard a pastor share about fear. His statement was "Fear is the absence of Faith". That really struck a chord with me, so lately when I feel fear rising up in me, over my kids, myself, my future, I try to speak blessings of faith over what I am fearing.

Jesus said to his disciples, "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth." ~John 17:15-17

Our school year is off....and I will keep praying these blessing of faith over my children.

I cannot take credit for the notes on their cereal bowls. I copied that idea.

The three

First and Third


Sweet Brothers

We are close enough to walk to school....who does that, these days?

Wyatt getting settled....

Will finding his seat...he's like, "okay mom, hurry up and take the picture..."

Can you guess what Anna and I did before brothers got home?

Quote of the day...

Monday I picked up a devotional book of ours and read a quote that has stuck with me all week,

"The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is today."

-Chinese Proverb

The author was referring to teaching our children and it really struck a chord with me. So this week, I have been focusing on this verse and trying to make the most of every teaching opportunity....TODAY, and everyday.

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou, liest down, and when thou risest up.

-Dueteronomy 6:5-7

Rain

As I was falling asleep last night to the sounds of thunder and rain, I couldn't help but think of how this would affect my morning. Anna and I have established a pretty good schedule of walking in the mornings after the boys are off at school, and it is probably my most favorite part of the day. Breathing the fresh fall air and clearing my mind charges me up for the day and I look forward to it. Spending one on one time with Anna and hearing her chatter the whole way is so special.

It was still raining this morning, and I was disappointed to have to put my walk on hold. I started my Life Journaling for the day and was reading in Psalm 147. I got to verse 8 and read:

He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes the grass grow on the hills.

My outlook was immediately changed and I thanked God for the rain I'm sure we needed. Isn't it just our human nature to grumble and complain about things because we don't see the whole picture of how the Lord is working in our lives? I know that is my tendency. But God used something as small as a rainy morning to show me that His plans are the best, and that I can trust him to take care of me!

something to share

For the past almost 4 weeks I have been struggling with some kind of illness. I was so sick the week Craig went back to school and the kids first week in school, I really don't know how I was making it through my days. I started to become depressed and annoyed that my body wasn't recovering. I was fearful and frustrated at not being able to take care of my family, the way I wanted to. But every time I opened my Bible it was as if there was a word meant just for me. Slowly over the course of two weeks I started letting go of my fears and trusting God to fill in where I wasn't able to. I started focusing on each day, and tried to enjoy each moment as a gift.

So many people were also encouraging to me, and I know there were those praying for me. One day I was talking to my mom in tears and she said, "Lindsay, you are God's personal concern". I kept repeating that to myself over and over. Pretty soon the fear subsided and I was filled with God's peace.

I had and MRI and lab work, last week and everything came back normal! Praise the Lord! Probably the first time in my life I've ever been described as normal, but I'll take it. I am still not feeling 100%, but I'm praying my symptoms will subside and I give the glory to God for my healing.

It is always so hard being a sick mommy (can I hear an amen?) Through this God has taught me to depend on him more, to release my fears and let him take control. I have enjoyed some special moments with my kids. We have been reading the Jesus Storybook Bible (which I highly recommend...thank you Kelly!!) and I cry reading it too! I get Anna all to myself in the morning while the boys are in school. It has been so much fun watching her play by herself and hearing the little conversations she makes up for her babies. One of the first days of school she went to her room called out, "Mom, I'm playin' with my babies" and shut the door!

In the afternoons Anna naps, and Wyatt and I have some one-on-one time. He loves to read books, do art, help me bake, and practice piano. Occasionally we lay on my big comfy bed and he'll fall asleep. All in all it hasn't been the easiest start to a new school year....but at the same time, becasue of God's faithfulness, it's been great!

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him; with long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation." ~Psalm 91:14-16